Broken Circle
by Ivory Byrd
Summary: The most frustrating thing in the world is not knowing, but ignorance is bliss. Yaoi R
1. Kazuki

Broken Circle

Pt 1: Kazuki

There was so little love in his eyes the last time I saw them.

Juubei had only anger, sadness, and the desperate plea to be forgiven in his eyes before he closed them. He wanted me to leave him for dead after that. There was no love, even if it was hidden away so deep, but that's what people do. Even Himiko, who hid her crush so well that the only thing that gave her away was her body language.

There is love in Toshiki's eyes, adoration and desire and he is glad Juubei cant see it. It makes me... uncomfortable, but I hide it so well when he touches me, even when he doesn't mean it to be sensual, I can feel the heat and passion radiating from him.

His affections are so obvious, but deep down, he sees me like he always had, as someone who was weaker than him, like a woman.

Then again, no one really does see me as a man. The girls who insist I shop with them, or Ban who becomes pretty open minded when he sticks his hands down my pants. All because I dont dress like them. I dont even dress like a woman!

Uueehhh... I need to get my mind off of stupid things, like stupid Ban, I couldnt imagine if I had ever ended up sleeping with him, that had been the most regretful thing I had to debate in my life.

I frantically ran my hands through my long, thin and limp hair along my scalp. I have totally lost my entire track of mind. Juubei sat next to me on the subway, the only other living person here. I want to say something, but I cant trust my tone to keep it simple with him. Just the slightest bit of emotion he will immediately pick up on and if it is stressed, as I am now... he will question.

"Kazuki-san?" I heard him say flatly. I guess I didnt have a choice now.

I winced slightly, hating that royalty he had assigned to my name, so I retorted, hiding my irritation the best I could. "Kakei-chan?" I replied with a sweet smile, _take that.._

He was a bit taken aback by my reply that was just as flat as his own. Which, in itself was going to raise question.. "Are you well?" he asked all to formally.

"Fine.. just thinking." I wanted to add, 'too much.'

"Ah.." he said, getting the hint that I didn't feel like talking anymore.

I wish things weren't as formal as he made them, I had worked so hard on making things between us less stuffy. I wanted to rekindle the years right after we met, I wanted to pick that up and smile with him again. Even when he stayed behind after the disastrous fight that took his eye sight.

I guess though, I was the one to blame in the end. I left without saying a word, I let Juubei stay. When Toshiki came along, I had wanted him and Juubei to start over, for us to be a family again. However despite my role as a leader, I could not control them. Toshiki's affection was more than platonic, but I didnt love him in that way.

I wanted Juubei to see me as Toshiki had, however unlike Toshiki, Juubei had the mindset of protecting me, doing everything for me because that was his role from birth. Toshiki was free from any role like that.

I wanted Juubei, because he was my everything, he was my dearest friend, he was at a time my greatest enemy, and now, I wanted him to be more.

Ban was right, I would make a better woman, his teasing about my gender identity were true. I would do better, and maybe, Juubei would find less resistance had we been given bodies that fit correctly. We could even have a family, and a normal life.

I bent forward, lightly brushing my shoulder against his as I put my head between my knees, feeling strangely sick.

I was frustrated, stressed and getting overheated, another panic induced fever.. the bane of my existence. The train sounded finally and started to slow down.

"Please wait until the train comes to a complete stop before moving towards the exit, thank you for riding with us today, have a nice day." came over the intercom as the train slowed to a stop. "The doors are now open, please let passengers exit the tram before entering." came next as we stood up and left.

Was the resentment in his eyes, meant for me? Did he look up at me and wish he could love me. He had once, or at least I thought that's what it was. Pretended it was.

We walked, and I ignored some of the looks I had gotten by random delinquent school girls who more envied Juubei. Most of them only looked at me to get a second glance, wondering if the slight curve of my hip made me a woman, or the flatness of my chest made me male. Sometimes he would grab the back of my arm, blind to what was going on around him and have me lead. Never my hand.

Why am I so selfish?

Juubei was quiet, as usual as we headed down into the lower town. It was a dull day, and I just wanted to get in and lay down. That feeling of being overheated was coming back and making me tired, irritable and irrational.

We walked inside the temporary home that I shared with him. who left on occasion when Toshiki overstayed his patience. I slipped into the bedroom without a word, nearly in tears from how much I just wanted to lash out at him, yell and scream that I wanted him, but hated him at the same time, how much I was tired of our destined roles and how sick I was feeling.

He didn't follow me into the room like I wanted him to. He didn't put his hands on my shoulder's and pull me into him like Toshiki had.

He didn't grind his hips into my bottom like Ban had, wrapping his arms and even jokingly fondle me between my legs.

I grabbed a pillow, frustrated and depressed from how much i was being torn in half by my own indecisive mind.

I was just as much to blame. I knew it too. If I wanted to I could touch him, gently in the places I knew made his skin shiver.

But the resentment, the cold anger I had seen in his eyes before he shut them... it burned me every time I touched him. Even at the hot spring, it was so hard, and he left me there by myself, not returning to the room at all after. He gave up, and even when I asked him he had used that cold, flat voice to tell me exactly how he felt towards me.

"I cant protect anyone, I cant make anyone happy!" he had yelled, "Not even you, I cant relax and be the person I was, I betrayed you, and I let everyone including our houses down! I cant protect you, MacubeX or Sakura, I am useless to everyone."

That scene replayed in my mind over and over. Even after Toshiki had returned, it seemed like the rift between us had been growing even more, that sitting a few inches apart, we were still spiritually thousands of miles away.

There was a knock at the door, and I pulled away from the pillow and my tone showed my exasperation. "Come in." I said.

Juubei came in, holding some tea in one hand and his other curled around what I guessed was some pills for my growing fever.

But... I hadn't mentioned it..

"You are warm.. take something for it before sleeping, you will feel better after you get some rest." he said, in the best 'caring' tone he could muster I guess.

"I am fine." I said and only took the tea from him.

"OK."

I didnt know if it was him just being nice, or just being dumb. I watched him as he slipped the pills into his own mouth, one by one, laying them on his tongue. Then slowly closing his mouth. Was he sick? I was about to feel bad for my stupid temper but with a fluid motion that only those in the art of needle fighting were capable of he took the tea from my hands and held my wrists tightly as he crawled over me. Without needing a map his strong jaw pressed against mine and in the surprise of it all I felt his mouth on mine.

I melted against his lips and suddenly like an eruption I was happy.

However the reality hit me just as hard, i could feel his tongue against mine, and the sweet coating of the medicine being forced to the back of my mouth.

He pulled away just as quickly and cupped a hand over my mouth so I couldn't spit them out. I had no other choice than to swallow them.

My face and body were heated, from something other than a fever.

"Gomenasai.." he said finally and stood up to leave. He slid my door open and left without a word and closed it back.

I laid there on the bed, tears now falling from frustration. I ached from anger and frustration, so badly that I felt like falling apart. There was nothing that made me happy about what he had just done, it killed me more than anything. How could I be so foolish, he'd done this several times, and after the first time back when we were barely teens, it was the first semblance of love I had felt.

I closed my eyes and grabbed the teacup and after a slow drink to push the pills down more I threw the rest of the contents at the wall, another teacup broken.


	2. Juubei

Pt. 2

Juubei

I heard the shatter, he didn't care to hide it from me that he was upset this time. Sometimes I worried a bit too much about Kazuki, but it was in my blood to. I couldn't explain it, but it was something beyond our family history, beyond the scrutiny of our roles. He was to be protected, we were never taught to love, to have urges. I sat down on small couch and groaned. I hated the bodily functions of the reproductive system. I had never been with another, and it was if my strict training to be celibate was wasted every time I was near the sweet smelling, the soft spoken, words like sakura petals Kazuki. Even angry he was still beautiful, like a warring angel. I stood up and went to the balcony where I knew he couldn't hear me. No one other than the sky and kami-sama could see me either. I slid down my pants as I always had and killed the throb in my lower regions by practically cracking a wooden spoon against the inside of my thighs until it went away. The years of my youth were spent training and honing my body to where I wouldn't need things such as passion or wonton lust. The men were doctors, and the women were mothers.

To think that they had debated on stopping the teachings of the needle and cloth to the young generations.

I sat on the outside chair, slouched in the seat limp and sore. I could feel the sting of blood as it dripped down. I could feel the cool wind and hear the sound my blood made as it hit the ground.

We were both men, both unable to consummate a relationship without sodomy. Something our clans were highly against, even if his had made all the men effeminate. They still married and laid with a woman.

I wanted him, I needed Kazuki, but Kazuki didn't need me. He had Toshiki, I could hear the passion in the blonde's voice as he spoke, his voice muffled into the long and soft hair that curtained his ears as he spoke to him. He didn't even try to keep me from hearing his words, laced with promises of filling that void that was in the thread bearer's soul.

I pulled up my pants, another night of hoping Kazuki wouldn't have heard the pain I put myself through just to keep from ruining things between us. Going back inside the small one room apartment that I often followed him to on a regular basis, I could smell the tea that was slowly seeping into the less than lavish carpet. I walked back over to his room, slowly slid open the door just a crack to hear him breathing evenly. He was asleep finally. My mind went back, re-imagining the sensations of what I had done. His slender, strong wrists in my hands, the light plush of his lips and his freshly sweetened breath from the tea as it filled my mouth. I found the gesture probably more romantic than he did. Thankfully this time, just thinking about it didn't bring my member to a second rise.

I loved Kazuki, but at the same time... I hated him.

I didn't hate him directly, but I hated that I had to share him. His insistence that we be friendly with Ban and Ginji, and everyone made me resent him. Resent his personality that I would love to see him share with only me. But... alone, he was quiet... almost cold. Yet at the same time, I guess my aversion of our relationship forced him to seek out other relationships.

We quietly resented each other to the point that it drove us apart. Even before he left Mugenjou for the real world, our problems were steadily growing with my distance.

I nearly lost it when I heard Ban Midou had fondled him in such a disgusting way. Ginji had been the only one to keep me from stabbing the bastard and running him through thrice over. Telling me that Ban was just stupid drunk and Kazuki didn't take any from it. It was then Kazuki started to get really irritable, and he was frustrated. They always escalated into a slight fever for the smaller but strong heir to the Fuuchouin family. He didn't think I 'saw' it... but I did. The groans, the heavy breathing and the way he fidgeted next to me made it entirely too apparent that even on that night after seeing him home he wanted to be taken. He wanted to be touched and held and kissed. Those were the things that made him weakest.

I had left him with those desires, knowing I couldn't be the one to fulfill them. Even knowing that I was crippling my fearless leader.

Toshiki had tried, he had seen what I couldn't. He could probably see the blush on Kazuki's cheeks, the heated look in his glazed eyes.

Why had I left without Kazuki, letting the most important person to me go to my rival. I wasnt there but the images in my mind of Toshiki taking the long haired prince of terror's body and sliding into him, releasing him of the bodily torment that I could never be a use for and relieving him of it. Their lips touching, sliding and tangling up in each other against the wall or along the floor. Kazuki's hair, everywhere, and Toshiki's fingers running through it gently.

I stayed with my sister for two days after that, when Kazuki came home in Toshiki's oversized shirt, I just left when he slipped into his room. I knew what happened, it was done.

Toshiki did what I couldn't do.

I closed the door after picking up the fragments of the cup, a nice gesture to let him know that I still somewhat cared. I tossed the pieces and sat down on the couch again. Head bowed slightly to fall asleep.

Could I love Kazuki? Like all the stories that you see in anime and novels seem to portray? Society was more accepting of two men, especially when one looked like a woman. But I never saw him but once as a female, and that was even before I knew who he was. Never did I look upon him and want to cradle him in my arms and treat him with gentleness that you would a woman.

So no... I dont think I could get past this platonic, kind of self proclaimed 'guardianship' that I had built my entire life around. But I couldnt even figure out if it was platonic, or romantic.

Despite how much I wanted to lay with him, as a man and woman in love do, the idea seemed to be improbable.

How much as a teen I wanted to touch and kiss him gently. How much I wanted to experience things, I knew I never could, and never would be able to because it wasnt allowed.

I heard the door slide open from Kazuki's room, and slight footsteps as he came into the room. I didn't say anything, pretending I was asleep so I could give him some imagined privacy. He still stayed quiet as he walked to the kitchen, his footsteps light as he went to the drawer, bottom left one... to get a towel I guessed. He had probably been awake when I had checked on him and grabbed the brokencup. He was finishing up cleaning or something else.

"Juubei-san.. you dont have to pretend to be asleep." I heard him say and then escape back into his room.

Yes.. things were like this, things were like this now, cold and gray.

My hand was stopping the door from sliding shut suddenly, so suddenly that I didn't even register that I had even gotten up. He was close, his back to me, I could more smell his hair than his sweet breath.

He turned, almost wheeling around and what I guessed was instinct had made him react to retaliate against an intruder. I was just as fast in my reaction to catch his hand before he struck me.

His pulse was erratic, I guess he didn't expect me to follow him.


	3. Thoughts Provoking

Empty Assumptions

Kazuki stuck to the bottle of green tea he got from the convenience store earlier. The fake smile painted on his face was only there to form his voice and give everyone a sense that he was the ever cute and happy Kazu-chan. Because if that smile were to slip, to falter even a little. He found himself surrounded by some of the girls asking a ton of questions like he was part of their group.

Ban and Ginji had completed another big job and it was Ginji's turn to decided how to spend the money. Of course the blonde electric eel wanted to throw a party with everyone, much to the dismay of Ban who wanted to just use the money and go back to a hot spring or the beach.

Kazuki's cheeks flushed and he shook his head, that memory stuck in his mind all too well.

He felt an arm drape over his shoulder and at first, the strength in the arm made him want to curl into it, however the smell of his body odor and the obvious smell of sake and kirin beer churned his stomach. He stepped away but Ban laughed and put on the flirt. He was incredibly gay if not bisexual when he had one too many.

"Ahh Kazu-kun~" He said smiling as he took the slimmer fighter around the waist. "I know that smile is fake... I can show you a very good time. Put a real smile on your face." his right hand made its move down the small stomach and under the loose fitting jeans to cup his prey between his legs.

Kazuki's face turned bright red, and despite the fact that he reacted to the groaping hand, the rest of his body rejected the jagon user. His elbow went back into the inebriated man's diaphragm. He glared at drunkard who was clutching his chest. Irritation on Kazuki's features as he stormed away was enough to get Ban chewed out by Hevn and Himiko. While in the other corner of the room Juubei had the air of murder around him, and only Ginji was able to make the situation less offensive.

Kazuki sighed and went out on the balcony of the apartment, for a moment he just wanted to climb up and jump off. That was probably the most forward anyone would ever get to him, since at this time Toshiki hadn't tried to touch him.

He turned his head when he heard someone else out on the balcony, which pulled him away from his thoughts of just jumping off the fourth story. Juubei had his face turned to Kazuki, but turned away, the look of discomfort was obvious and it fed right back into the feeling of just wanting to turn around and lean backwards over the railing and go head first.

Kazuki knew that the other was upset, but he didn't do anything to let Juubei know that Ban was just drunk and being dumb, and how much he wanted to just take a shower after that scene.

Juubei moved away. "I am heading back." he said softly and stopped at the sliding door and waited a couple seconds to see if Kazuki was coming with him. The silence between them confirmed his anxieties.

"Ja'ne." Kazuki whispered, he wanted to leave, but at the same time, he didnt want to leave with Juubei.

Juubei took a deep breath and held it until he was out the door.

Kazuki turned his head and watched his partner leave. He remembered everything they went through and now that everything was stagnant and suffocating to him he was glad that the other was gone. He could relax some, he stared out over the ledge and in his imagination he played scenarios over in his head, his body hitting the pavement below just as Juubei came out.. he shook his head quickly and covered his eyes. He just needed a shower, he didn't like the way he smelled. The party had died down thanks to Ban so he could make an excuse to leave. Going back in he smiled again, waving off an another apology from Ginji and made his leave. Passing the rooms towards the front door he stopped at Ban's room. Despite how much he wanted to shower, he couldn't help but feel compelled to feel flattered by the forward attempt to get, mostly successfully, into his pants. He considered slipping into the room and seducing the ever strong Ban to take him.. Ban wouldnt care, if its a hole its a hole. He would just have to sneak out before the other woke up and try to leave without being seen. It would be a walk of shame worthy of the night.

The more he thought, and imagined, the more he felt sick. His mind kept replacing Ban with his partner.

He gave up and left before he made a mistake.

He would just take a shower at Toshiki's so he could avoid Juubei for a bit, and hope he could withstand Toshiki's advances.


	4. Reconciliation

Reconciliation

Kazuki groaned as he missed the last bus to get back to the other side of the prefecture to get to Toshiki's place. He checked a clock and timed for the next stop, it would be another two hours, he didn't want to have that much time to burn. Boredom got him into trouble and all the errant thoughts already for the night were enough to get him in a lot of trouble.

So he walked. He needed a good long walk to evaluate things. He didn't know what was going on between him and Juubei, what had really transpired that brought out this outcome. This outcome where he and his longtime friend, had become cold towards each other.

They had once been so connected, so intricately woven together that if one moved the other moved in the same way, they were in sync. His mind traveled to his little finger, in his mind's eye he could see it, the red string that had once connected them. Only now it seemed battered, almost undone.

All the strings had frayed enough to break. He wasn't even sure if it was on his side or if it was Juubei. When did he stop following Juubei like a puppy, and when did Juubei start treating him like... he couldn't even place the word. He wanted to say princess or even a nobel, but Juubei didn't like listening to him. Had it been the appearance of Toshiki or the other things they had been through? Had Toshiki said something to Juubei?

Was fighting the only way they could really be happy together?

He made it to Toshiki's apartment much faster than he realized, it was like he had time traveled with all the thoughts that he had in his mind that twisted and turned through his skull.

Toshiki had welcomed him in and made sure that within minutes to have a cup of tea and the small one room apartment straightened up for Kazu to sit and be comfortable.

Toshiki loved the endearing smile that Kazuki offered.

"So what brings you here, Kakei-san driving you insane?"

Kazuki wanted to affirm that but his natural reaction was to shake his head. "No, just got back from Ginji-kun's celebration party... and don't wanna go home just yet."

Toshiki sat down next to the brunette and smiled at him. "You look a bit miserable.. did you walk all the way here?" He asked, reaching up to wipe some of the beads of sweat from Kazu's forehead.

Kazuki shrinked away a little. "I did, it wasnt too bad, just humid is all." He felt his skin react and thusly his heart react in a way that made all those thoughts come flooding back. Maybe it was good that he didn't lay with Ban, because now he was here, alone with Toshiki.

Toshiki gave him a smile. "You can use my shower, get cleaned up, and you can sleep here since there are no more trains going to your district til the morning." he explained.

Kazuki looked up at him with heavy eyes, and nodded slowly. He got up and began to head to the bathroom.

Toshiki followed.

Kazuki felt the strong hand on his shoulder and turned his head to look at it's owner. "Toshiki..." he whispered.

"Kazuki, I know why you are really here... let me.. "

"Let you what?" He asked, all too innocently. His deep brown eyes looking up into the blonde's bright blue ones. The Hell Knight was soft to Kazuki, almost too soft and too warm for him. Too open and desirable.

Toshiki sighed and scratched the back of his head, his hair was undone for once so some of the blonde locks fell over his strong shoulders. "I want to be with you Kazuki-kun... I know you... are hard up for Kakei-san..."

"I am not hard up for Juubei-kun." Kazuki defended, his brows furrowing some.

"I doubt that." he chuckled and pulled the slightly smaller and thinner male to him, pressing him hard against his chest. "I love you Kazuki-kun, I want you to be mine.." he whispered, pressing his lips to the edge of Kazuki's ear.

Kazuki shivered and though his resolve was strong, his will wasnt. He had been willing to sleep with Ban, but backed out of sheer disgust. This was Toshiki, whose scent reminded him of a green field, who didn't get drunk and molest him. Who didn't pledge his allegiance to a dead school's teaching.

Toshiki was perfect for him

Toshiki's words only got more and more sweet. "Kazuki-kun... let me be the one for you.. I can be the thing you need, I can be what Kakei-san wont be.." he trailed off. His lips dangerously close to the edge of Kazuki's neck.

Kazuki had to literally throw himself from the blonde. "I am sorry... I should go.." He whispered and headed quickly to the door. _Stop saying his name!_

Toshiki sighed and grabbed Kazuki's arm gently. "I am sorry Kazuki-ku.. san.. that was rude of me.. stay, I will let you have your privacy and you can take my bed... I don't want you upset and trying to get home alone."

Kazuki gave him a fleeting look but nodded. "Fine.." he whispered and retreated to the bathroom.

Once out, he found the blonde sprawled out on the futon on the floor. Kazuki knew Toshiki had a small bed in the one other room of the apartment. He found a large shirt waiting for him on the bed and slipped it on, he raked his fingers through his hair and braided it slowly. He wore the same boxers, not willing to be vulnerable. He curled up under the blanket, the smell of that field filled his brain with what Toshiki and him could have done. The carnal images made his stomach knot and him debate taking up the blonde. But he never left the bed.

(Back to Now)

"Stop!" Kazuki normally held back when it came to the strength he hid, everyone had always second guessed him. But when he pushed Juubei back he used a bit more force than usual and sent the larger one sprawling back a bit. So far that he fell through the sliding door.

Juubei's brows furrowed and his head fell back in defeat. "I am going.." He stood, his arm wrapped around his chest, sporting a cracked rib. His breathing became a bit ragged as he started to turn and walk towards the door.

Kazuki's eyes clenched shut. "I hate you!" and before he realized those words were out he clamped his hand over his mouth.

"I've known that for a while." Juubei had stopped for a moment and turned his head some. "Took you a while to confess it."

"I.. didnt mean it." Kazuki began to apologize and he moved off the bed to go to Juubei. He had never said anything so cruel in his life to his friend. Even as enemies he had never said anything as dreadful.

"You did, and I know why.." Juubei sighed. "You have meant to say it for a while now, I cant give you what you want..." He said.

"Juubei, no."

"Yes, Kazuki," his tone was now stern, he was making it definite. "You can be with Toshiki, as I am sure you have already been."

Kazuki's eyes flashed dark, and for the moment he didnt care if Juubei struck back, or defended himself. His mind forgetting about the cracked rib he had already caused, and struck his friend again. This time he didnt fall back against a soft paper door, but a hard wood wall.

The air left Juubei's lungs and his head went blank. He knew he had crossed a line, and apparently a serious one. It was very few occasions that Kazuki didnt hold back, and most of them weren't against Juubei. He didnt get up, but tried to regain his breath some, and composure.

"You have shamed me, dishonored me with those assumptions!" Kazuki snapped, his eyes narrowed at the needle warrior. "How could you! Even as a friend what you just said was the most despicable thing... I have EVER heard!" His voice cracked as his vision was blurred with tears.

"You're the one who went to him." Juubei muttered under his breath.

"I almost went to Ban too!" He confessed. "Least he actually touched me, and I about let Toshiki as well, but every time he said your name, said how he could give me what I wanted from you was just a jagged needle digging itself into me, but I NEVER, had anyone!" he snapped.

Juubei shook his head. "Not that it changes anything, but I think I have two cracked ribs and its hard to breathe.." He panted out.

Kazuki sobered quickly from his rage as the terror prince role he hated slipping into, and he looked down at Juubei with guilt. "I will call the emergency line." he said and quickly went to his cell phone.

Juubei caught his arm and shook his head. He got up slowly with the bit of help from Kazuki and went to the couch and sat down. He fingered his torso some and sighed. "Just bruised..." he whispered.

Kazuki looked away, guilt painted his features as he held his arms tight to his chest. "I am sorry.." he whispered.

"You keep saying that,"

"I really mean it.. I have really dishonored myself, I've been.. so.." he tried to search for the right words, the right explanation for his actions.

"You've been sick Kazuki.." Juubei filled in.

"Not a good enough reason to hurt you like this."

Juubei shook his head. "It is, you know what stress does to you, and I know what it does to you.." he pulled out a few needles, and slid a couple into his skin after laying back.

Kazuki just watched and sighed. "Its not a good excuse." He recited again.

"Kazuki, what is it you want to hear, and I wish to hear the truth."

Kazuki stared for a moment, before finally sitting down on the floor near Juubei's feet. He pulled his knees up and buried his head some. "I want... I want you to tell me you love me, and I want you to be able to see me and know what I feel by looking at me again. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have left you, I shouldn't have fought you.. Even if I did nothing with Toshiki, I shouldn't have gone to him."

"Kazuki..."

"You're the only one I need, Juubei, everyone else could disappear, even Ginji. But as long as you are by my side, I can still breathe.."

"Kazuki."

"I dont care if you cant do anything for me, just... stop falling backwards away from me."

"Kazuki, if you would stop a moment you are about to hyperventilate." Juubei had sat up and was shaking the longer haired man gently.

He was right, his world was starting to spin some and his legs dropped limply as he laid his head against Juubei's knee. "I love you... even if... its nothing more than words."

Juubei sighed, he picked up Kazuki's unconscious form and took him to the bedroom. He laid him down gently and covered him up. The air still smelled like ginseng tea, but the liquid was already dried. He sat down on the bed. "Kazuki, I love you.. it may only be words for now.. but when the time comes.. when we dont have to fight anymore it may change." he caressed the sleeping face gently, undoing the bells and setting them aside. He slid into the bed, and wrapped his arms around Kazuki. "You saved me, you always save me."


	5. Epilogue

Hope you all enjoyed this! I enjoyed writing it and I know its been forever since it's been updated but here is the final chapter, I updated all the chapters with some revisions so if you would like to go back and re-read the first chapters i will guarantee it will flow a lot better than it did originally.

* * *

Epilogue

Kazuki was shaking, violently. The young teen was barely a month into Mugenjou and his body was giving up on him. Having little to eat, and little money to buy food or even clean water since leaving his once lush and rich home. He had lost several pounds already and it was worrying Juubei to death. He had little knowlege about to keep another human alive, and when that human was running a very high temperature, throwing up and having chronic nosebleeds, he was frightened of his failure.

Juubei had to take double duty, between looking for food and water, and protecting Kazuki was wearing him thin. Even the needles didnt work on him.

Kazuki stayed huddled in the wet, mildewed room. It was the middle of summer as well, so it was much harder to keep his temperature down. He had a pallet, but it was mainly a few cardboard boxes, and the dingy remains of his old kimono. His blanket was Juubei's yukata, which was thankfully enough to keep him warm at night when the chills took over.

Juubei kept on, despite how exhausted he was. He was sleeping less, and even weighing less, but he kept Kazuki in the dark about it all. He didnt want his precious friend knowing that he had also been suffering.

And as if things weren't the worst they could be, it was a challenge to avoid the raiders that would come down and search houses, apartments and abandoned shacks in the streets of mugenjou. On several occasions Juubei would pull Kazuki on his back and they would move to a new location. They had almost gotten caught a few times, and getting caught mean unspeakable endings. It was bad enough that everyone thought Kazuki was Juubei's younger sister. He battled the nightmares on the occasion of sleeping of raiders coming down from the beltline and finding Kazuki while he was out.

He found an old jacket and brought it to Kazuki, laying it under his head to give him more cushion.

"Juubei... chan.. do we have... any water left?" he whimpered out.

Juubei shook his head and looked down. "No, but its going to rain again soon,"

Kazuki smiled.

That had been the only thing that kept him going, the smile Kazuki would give him was enough food for him to go on. "I found out there is a pharmacy, its a far walk though.." he wanted to chance it, but at the same time, he knew that too much time away from Kazuki was dangerous.

"I will be fine, I will be here when you get back." Kazuki urged. "I wish I could help you.."

Juubei shook his head. "No, just stay here and rest. I dont want you to move... ok?" he asked, taking Kazuki's hand gently.

Kazuki nodded, knowing that movement wasnt going to happen anyways, he had been too weak. A scrap of stale bread here and there in the last few days on top of having a fever that seemed to spike hourly.

"If you get really hot again, uncover yourself and roll onto your front and try to sleep. If you can manage, get your shirt off." he instructed, hoping that Kazuki was going to stay on the up and up while he was gone.

"Yes, I know Juubei~chan.." he whispered and gave Juubei another smile.

Juubei left finally, and he ran as much as his worn body could. He darted between people, jumped over obstacles. Taking the path he had learned, and never got turned around. He had known of the location for a week, but he had memorized the path to the pharmacy. He was going to steal all the medication he could find, and if he got caught, he would fight until the death if he had to. His heart hammered as he continued to run.

He slipped into the back door of the pharmacy, there were no sounds from the store, so he worked quickly and grabbed aspirin, acetaminophen, ibuprofen, and even a vial of penicillin. He looked over the stock of other medicines.

And then there it was, food. Cans of soup, bottles of water and tea. He knew that he would have issues with tea but he still grabbed a box of green tea. Then two cans of soup, and two bottles of water. He stuffed everything into a pack and looked around to make sure the coast was clear.

As he darted out, he felt a hand on his shoulder, an angry hand. He turned his head and yanked himself away from the one who wanted to stop him. He tumbled out and grabbed the small bottle of aspirin that rolled out. He jumped up and started his run back.

He was laughing halfway before having to stop. The exhilaration and the happiness knowing he'd succeeded and Kazuki was going to live made him take a moment to rejoice.

His head was swimming so much in pressure from running that he barely heard the sirens.

The sirens that sounded when the raiders came down to rape and pillage.

Juubei slowly opened his eyes when he saw people running, and his heart sank. He was still at the most half a mile away from where Kazuki was. He also was a good target. He had food and drugs in his pack. Kazuki was weak and alone, he wouldnt be able to move far enough in the short time it took them to search abandoned buildings.

So he ran, ran faster than he had before. Dodging and having to hide on occasion from a raider that was too dangerous to run past. His heart was hammering so loud it was hard to hear anything else. So much that it was almost disorienting. He had to get to Kazuki, going so far to get the medication and risking his life wasnt going to be in vain. He wasnt going to fail now.

He was grabbed once, and with the swift gesture of his wrist, he jammed a needle deep into the arm of one raider. He ran, one needle was now lost to him. He knew he'd never have the chance to get it back, Kazuki was more precious. Even if he had lost all his fighting needles to get him through this part of Mugenjou to get to his dear friend, it'd be worth it.

He came upon the building they were squatting in, and it was crawling with raiders. The image made his heart almost stop. He ducked out of sight and tried to find a way in. He found the best path up through a rusted fire escape.

He lost two more needles, one between a few ribs of one man, and the other through the temple of another. He had never killed anyone, but he knew that at a time like this, he had to find and save Kazuki. The images of him being found, and what they'd do to him, it was too much and it was driving him to desperation.

He finally made it into the room they had stayed in, and it was empty. "Kazuki?!" He called out, not caring if he was found, he wanted to know where Kazuki was.

And that not caring summoned the wrong attention, and soon enough four raiders were behind him, their weapons poised to beat the needle boy to death.

However the sound of taught string and the slight ring of bells echoed louder than their war cries. They were caught in a web of koto strings.

A small, delicate and fragile hand had been laying on the floor in front of a small closet door that was opened.

Juubei's eyes widened and he ran to the closet and slid open the door. "Kazuki!" he reached in and scooped up the mostly limp boy.

"I.. heard the sirens... I crawled into the closet... I couldnt let them... get me, or you.." he whimpered.

"Kazuki, you saved my life... let me get you out so I can save yours." he held the smaller boy close to him tightly as he ran out of the room. Juubei slipped in and out of crevices and behind doors with Kazuki in his arms. He was able to get the boy and himself out safely, however they had to again find a new place to squat until Kazuki was better. They found an abandoned shack and he slipped Kazuki in first, then the pack, and then crawled in through the small hole in the door.

"Are.. are you ok?" Kazuki whispered. "You have blood on you.." He reached forward and put his hand over the patch of blood on Juubei's shirt.

Juubei shook his head. "Not mine.." he said as he grabbed a bottle of water, and then two of the aspirin. He knew he couldnt give Kazuki any other pills with it, but he hoped that this would help the fevers. "Here take this."

Kazuki looked at the pills, having never taken any before, and rejected them. "No.. I am afraid.." he whispered, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Kazuki, you will die if you do not take them." He whispered. "Please, I cant lose you.."

Kazuki still shook his head and sealed his lips by biting them together.

Juubei, desperate and tired groaned and grabbed two from the bottle, popped them in his mouth, then took a mouthful of water. He was almost desperate to take them himself. Maybe eat half of them, and then force the other half on Kazuki so they could go to sleep forever together. He shook his head and grabbed the other forcefully, his eyes had an apologetic look as he plugged Kazuki's nose. When the younger thread spinner's mouth opened to take a breath Juubei crushed his lips against Kazuki's and then held his head tightly, He forced the water and aspirin into Kazuki's mouth and then didnt move until he heard the other swallow.

It took a moment but soon enough Kazuki swallowed.

Juubei, red faced and smiling lightly pulled away.

Kazuki's face was flushed and he had tears running down his face. He swore he was never going to talk to Juubei again, but ended up passing out moments later. Juubei took a couple acetaminophen and curled up to Kazuki, the small shack had barely any room, and he could feel Kazuki's fever finally breaking.

Finally, he could fall asleep and not worry so much about his most dear friend.

* * *

Again thank you for reading and I hope you definitely enjoyed this story! Let me know in reviews what you think!


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